Monday, October 24, 2005

Pickup and Seduction: How NOT to Trigger a Woman's Sense of Rejection

By Vincent DiCarlo

By now, it is pretty well accepted that women like a man who is a little bit cocky. If you are interested in dating more women, then pay close attention.

It's true. If a man is confident, bordering on cocky, he will present himself as a challenge, and we all know women love challenges.

Other times, a man can go too far with this behavior and make a woman feel so insecure, she feels underqualified.

Sometimes going to far with any technique, no matter how good, will not get your desired results. In the case of acting too arrogant, a woman will sometimes feel so rejected, she starts to pull away.

What happened is, you triggered her "Auto-Rejection Mechanism".

She interpreted one of your actions as rejection, and as such, she responded in a way to shield herself from further rejection.

Metaphorically speaking, you stuck in the knife, and she was merely attemtping to prevent you from twisting it.

It's a natural response to that type of thing.

It may look like she's shutting you down, and isn't attracted, but in reality it's a completly rational response to your mis-callibration.

There are a couple of very common situations in which a woman's auto-rejection mechanism is triggered.

These are:

1. Using cocky humor in a miscallibrated or overly serious way.

It is very important to blend your humor with a very warm vibe. Your body language and tonality should be implying that you are busting on her in a very caring way. Oh, and be sure to smile.

2. Showing disapproval when you are in your screening and qualification phase.

If she is attracted and at the point where she is talking about herself in an attempt to win you over, let her. Show approval and be genuinely interested in what she has to say. Don't punish her for opening up to you and trying to win you over.

3. Creating an opportunity for physical escalation and not following through.

This is very common, and actually we get a LOT of questions about this phenomenon. Sometimes a guy will have a girl ready to go, ready for sex, and he will either escalate too slowly or not at all. Out of the blue, the woman stops returning his calls.

If you produce a window of opportunity for physical escalation, make it happen.

4. Not calling her after sex, and expecting her to follow up.

After sex, sometimes a guy will feel as if he has won, and a girl should now persue him. Unfortunately, that's not the case.

If a woman opens up to you physically, she needs to be comforted in a way that doesn't make you seem like a player. (That is, if you wish to make the relatioship go further than a one night stand...)

If you feel you have gotten into this type of cycle, do not fear. There are remedies for it.

1. Spot it early.

If you notice that she may be pulling away because of underqualification, that is a sure sign of the Auto-Rejection Mechanism.

2. Falsely disqualify yourself.

Once you know that she is definitely attracted but a bit scared of being rejected by you, tell her something like this:

"You know, I think I may be too much of a bad guy, and the last thing I want to do is break your heart."

This will set up a challenge for her to conquer and will cause her to argue the other side of your point. She will once again become interested.

3. Qualify her for not playing games.

Tell her:

"You know, it's really refreshing to know a girl who isn't into playing games with guys. You seem very up front, honest and confident in going after those things that you really want."

This will give her a bit more confidence in showing her interest in you. It will also stop her in her tracks from playing hard to get.

Using those techniques will give you a safety net for going overboard with cocky humor, which seems to be a very common sticking point these days.


Vincent DiCarlo is a world famous dating coach. His experience comes from years of training pickup artists in underground seduction lairs across the East Coast. He currently runs theApproach: The Science of Social Chemistry for the Modern Gentleman, with his partner Sebastian Drake, and teaches men of all ages and backgrounds to meet, attract and seduce the most beautiful women of the world.

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